[Tfug] The Religion of Distos

[Claude Rubinson]

I know many people who have regretted drinking too much.  But after
tonight, I'm convince that with sufficient imbibment (I believe that
this is a true and Holy word even if Emacs (may Allah bless) does not
recognize it) genius may be revealed.  Tonight, after my consuming
perhaps eight margaritas and Jude consuming untold amounts of Diet
Coke, the remaining four Happy Hour TFUGgers realized a divine
correspondence between the worldly religions and the divine Linux
distros.  I dutifully transcribed the Holy Words onto two cocktail
napkins (yes, I too recognize the allusion to the two holy tablets of
Moses) but, in what must be a divine miracle, the Holy cocktail
napkins disappeared during the drive from Buddy's Grill and my office
on the UofA campus.

I will rely upon my increasingly fuzzy memory and transcribe what I
recall from our worship.  I realize that such a spiritual event can
never be replicated but if anyone recalls additional details or wishes
to add something that I have forgotten, please do.  In particular, I
seem to recall that we received revelation as to Knoppix and the
Church of Latter-Day Saints (the Mormons) which has since escaped me.

With humble apologies to those of His messengers that I have
forgotten:

Therein, as God placed His churches on Earth such that Man would be
led down the proper and Holy path, He created Linux and from Linux He
created The Distros.  And The Distros forked, so as to reach the
multitude of Man, each with their differing ideologies.

And as God created the Catholics, He created Debian: the Universal
operating system.

And as God created the Unitarians, He created Ubuntu: for those of
relative ethics who just wish to be loved.

And as God created the Southern Baptists, He created Red Hat: which,
through adornment and faith, seek fidelity.

And as God created the Lutherans, He created Mepis: for those who wish
to claim distinction they do not possess.

And as God created the Calvinists, He created SuSE: for those who
believe that righteous action Today gives way to that of Tomorrow.

And as God created the Shakers, He created Slackware: which shall die
out due to a lack of procreation.

And as God created Satan, He create BackTrack: which came to spite
Him.

And as God created the Quakers, He created the Hurd: His True
operating system that nobody realizes still exists.

And as God created the Scientologists, He created Plan 9: the secret
operating system that only the inducted may understand.

And as God created the Jews, He created the BSDs: the pure but
marginalized.

Amen.